Once upon a time a boy named Bryan was born. He grew up strong and in time had a wrist worthy of bearing a watch. Not a big watch, though, for he was a small boy at first. So, he took to wearing women’s watches since the huge chunkiness of men’s watches made it look like he’d strapped a roma tomato to his arm.
This worked for many years until Bryan’s wrist grew too large for women’s watches. He now had to face the cold, harsh world of timepieces built for real men. He found a reasonable watch that had a neat little feature: it would light up when you pressed a button. In time, Bryan lost this watch as he loses most things, even those that are strapped to his body. He bought another watch, and this one showed the date. “What a neat little feature,” he thought. Then he lost this watch.
The process continued through the years, watches being bought and lost, and bought and broken, and slowly Bryan was seduced by the all the neat features he’d seen. He proclaimed, “I shall once and for all have a watch that has all the features I want, consequences be damned!” And to the horror of his friends he bought this:
Weighing in at 17.2 kilograms, the watch had everything Bryan could have ever wanted. It glowed when you pressed a button. It had the date. It had a timer. It had an alarm. It had a big face, and then THREE LITTLE FACES WITH HANDS INSIDE THAT FACE! Imagine the power!
In time, though, Bryan came to realize that he hated the watch. It was huge. It was ugly. And it was heavy. He started taking it off to type, to play piano. Then he started to not even bother putting it on.
A new idea came into his mind. “What I really need a watch to do,” he thought, “is tell me what time it is. And a watch I’m not wearing doesn’t do such a hot job of that.” So he decided to make a drastic change. A vague memory of a better kind of watch echoed in his mind. Something small. Something thin. Something light. Something swiss. A swatch!
This watch, my friends, does not even have a second hand. This watch is 3.9mm thick. This watch is so serious about being light that it is missing most of the material out of it’s links! THINK ABOUT IT! THIS IS THE ANSWER! At last Bryan has found a watch which will satisfy him for the rest of eternity. Will Bryan and the watch live happlily ever after? No one will know until that fateful day comes when the mailman delivers it.
I’m hoping for tomorrow or Monday. The end.